• Jennifer Aniston is moving to Chicago. We can't wait to run into her in the health and beauty aisle at Jewel!
• Piper Perabo lowers herself to date former pill-popper/Friends friend Matthew Perry. Move over TomKat and Brangelina, here's . . . Pipthew Perrybo?
• Our #1 deity, Mariah Carey, teams up with Snoop, shoots a video, mounts a mesa of Vuitton luggage, wears very little clothing.
• Salma Hayek chortles when confronted with Colin Farrell's weenis. Understandable.
• Portman pokies, redux!
• If your daughter were Tori Spelling, wouldn't you sue her too? Just for fun?
• K-Fed hates the Pavarotti, loves his kids and wife, raps about it in hot new tune on MySpace. This one's for the haters. Fuck the media.
• Pink's special surprise for her husband is reportedly a "12ft pole to be erected in her dressing room". But the bigger surprise is that said pole is being erected in her pants! Because she's a man, see.
• Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is about to undergo surgery for an "undisclosed medical condition". Lip reduction? Eyeliner tattoos? Scarfectomy?
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