Director Mike Nichols has reportedly burned the nude scenes of Natalie Portman that he cut from his movie Closer. Like a thousand foghorns comes the anguished shout of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" from Star Wars nerds across the planet.
See, the funny thing here is that Natalie once said that she was fine with appearing on "nude celebrities dot com" after shooting the risqué Closer scenes, but is now singing a different tune. A Quaker tune, really. She told Vanity Fair:
"I will not allow myself to be on a porn site... I don't want to be used by someone else for turning me into something that I'm not. But I was doing everything because I knew that Mike was going to get my permission about everything and show me everything and talk to me. He was like: `That stuff's going to be burned if we don't use it.'"
Note that Mike didn't specifically say "set alight and rendered unrecognizable". He said "burnt". We'll bet you dollars to donuts that Mike Nichols actually burned the scenes to his hard drive and is masturbating furiously to them twice a day.
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